also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
