Ambien. No doubt about it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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