so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We just shotgunned beers for America
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
