please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
