I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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