My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
