My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
