Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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