btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
