I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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