I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
