I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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