im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
