oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
