i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
