Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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