yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
