I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
