Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
