Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
