i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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