I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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