the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
