Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
