i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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