Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
