you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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