I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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