Jerry, you need to find god
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
