do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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