so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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