Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
And then he peed in my hair
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
