hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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