Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
