I wanna passion pit in your ass
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
