No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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