was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
