Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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