Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
