it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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