I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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