tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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