white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We talked him into tasing himself.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
