I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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