I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
