Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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