that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
FUCK WHALES
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
