I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
