I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
