Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
