Porn is love you can see.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
